Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
