Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
