omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
