everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
