woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
