it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
