Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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