no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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