for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I forget how to act sober
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
