Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
