please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
