I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
