were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
