Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
