420 ftw
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
