Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
