me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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