Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
