This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
