You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
