I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
