Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
