I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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