whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
