im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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