You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
