...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
