Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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