is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
