every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
