I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
