A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
