This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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