Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we made out on top of his cat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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