11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
