What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
