I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
