I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
