you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
