Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
