she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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