I will die if light touches me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
