Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
