Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
