There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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