I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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