That's when you crack a 10am beer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
