god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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