I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
