it wasn't lemon gatorade
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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