Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
