And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
